Rude Pushovers

Rude people are taking over the world. Have you guys noticed lately? I mean, everywhere I go, some extremely impolite person seems to harass either me or whomever I happen to be with. Move over, all you normal, courteous ones, because the rude are looking to crush us. 

The other day I pulled into my friendís driveway to pick her up, and then realized it would be better if I waited for her by the side of the road in case anyone wanted to come into the building. So I started backing out slowly when a huge Mercedes came up behind me. At the wheel was a red-faced woman, who looked at me as one would look at a slug on a piece of lettuce. Then she pulled down her window and yelled, ìWhat the hell are you, an idiot? Donít you know how to drive, you freak?î And then she proceeded to discredit my heritage, my mother, and my aunt in Alaska. All that was in Arabic. So you could imagine the translation, which is a little too profane for this publication. 

Now, I have a bad temper, as any one of my patient friends will tell you. But I was too shocked to answer back. Nobody has ever spoken to me that way before. So I just glared at her and wished I had a gun so I could blow her maggoty brains out. How, may I ask, does one deal with people like that, who are simply bordering on the psychotic? Beats me. If you ask me, that woman should be locked up in an institution. What is she doing freely roaming the streets of Beirut? Iíll bet you it was people like her who were responsible for the war.

Rudeness kills me. I absolutely abhor it. I am a firm believer in manners. What prompts a person to be rude? How do rude peopleís brains work, anyway? Does something just click inside there somewhere, and they end up acting like an extra off the set of an Alfred Hitchcock movie? I wonder what it's like for them at home. Do they insult their families like they insult any person on the streets? There should be laws against rudeness. Or possibly mandatory tranquilizer prescriptions for rude people. And not just any tranquilizers mind you. The ones that hunters use to incapacitate rhinoceroses in Africa. And there should also be support groups for the victims of rudeness. Some of us are scarred for life, after all.Last month, my five-year-old cousin Tania was playing with other kids in her neighborhood in Cleveland, Ohio. One of the kids was different from the rest. He was a rude person in training. This kid kicked a neighborís dog, then spat at it. Then my little cousin went to play on the swings. She sat down on one and the kid came up to her and yelled, ìGet up before I kick you, too!î I was terrified. What if he actually did kick her? I ran to help her off the swing. But you know what she did? She looked the bully right in the eye and said very icily, ì You are rude.î 

And it worked. The kid retreated. He knew she was right. There was no arguing with her. Maybe thatís what we should do the next time someone tries to push us out of line so he can get our turn, or someone swears at us for braking the car to let a cat pass. Sometimes, people, simplicity is the key.